The long road to today

Well after a pretty horrible few years, several stays in hospital ( broken wrist ,aspiration event ) and a bout of MRSA the unthinkable happened and on boxing day evening 2013 while dad popped upstairs mum absconded from home. I won't forget that horrible phone call - my frantic Dad's voice as he told me she had gone. He was beside him self. Never a man to show his emotion the fear was evident in his voice. After what seemed like and eternity mum was found a couple of miles from home by the police. She had crossed multiple roads, including a motorway slip road ,how she had survived was beyond me. I made a decision at that point , a decision I have never regretted and one that I know has prevented my mum from suffering a premature death or catastrophic accident- something that I feel is paramount to how I view my duty of care to her. I love her and protecting her had to be the upmost in my mind- however hard that was to take on.
 I was due to go on holiday the day after and some respite had been arranged for mum as at that point Dad could't manage her alone for a couple of days. I contacted the respite provider and they immediately agreed that Mum should come to them that night and we would then take the situation from there. In my mind I knew Mum couldn't come home again as I knew she would be in a dangerous position as she was no longer manageable in terms of he safety. My Dad however felt she would come home and improve - this wasn't the case. If Dad disagreed with me on this he never challenged me and I think deep down he was pleased I had taken charge of the situation and made the decision that he couldn't. They had been together nearly 60 years and the thought of been apart must have been terrible for him. Both my Dad and myself we happy with the care home mum was in but after 3 weeks they called us in and explained that Mum was too much for them to mange and that we needed to find her a care home that offered EMI ( elderly, mental impairment ) care , and if possible nursing care looking to the future. We were shattered , she was located close to home and seemed settled we visited frequently and felt she was in good hands so for them to effectively say she had to move on was something we hadn't even considered. They said there was no rush and that we could take our time finding the right place but they constantly pestered  mums social worker about moving her on and this put immense pressure on us to find a new home for mum.
Finding a new care  home was one of the most soul destroying experiences ever - some of the places were truly horrible and made my blood run cold. I have a health care back ground and I was appalled at some of the conditions in several places I viewed. It truly was a frightening time. Once we found somewhere we liked they had to assess mum - several refused to take her due to her care needs and again this was such a horrible time , it felt like she wasn't good enough and had been written off. Eventually we found somewhere we liked who were happy to take her and so her move to what we hoped would be her happy ever after was planned.  All through this process Dad was very limited in his input leaving most of the planning to me, luckily we agreed on all the places and were obviously looking for the same things from the care homes.
On the day on the move we settled mum in and we felt we had made a good choice and that things were turning round for us and for mum - we could never have imagined what was to come !

Facing the reality

So this is my first blog ! Why am I blogging ? Well its something I have wanted to do for a while but to be honest time is a precious commodity that I haven't had much of as this blog will show.

This is a story about my mum and her dementia and how we as a family have coped and are coping with the shattering reality of this horrible disease.

In January 2010 I finally persuaded my mum to visit the GP to discuss her memory loss. This wasn't easy to do and had resulted in a bit of a stand off between us. I knew her memory was deteriorating ,and I suspect so did she, but addressing this was far from easy.
Within a couple of weeks it was agreed that my mum was suffering with Dementia / Alzheimer's and our journey began. What a journey !

Mum began medication immediately but it seemed to be having very little if any effect and her memory continued to decrease. She was appointed a memory nurse and leaflets about the Alzheimers society were handed to us - these would prove invaluable.
At this point in time I was working full time in a demanding role and my daughter was 5. I didn't  take on the enormity of the situation we would be facing and in all honesty this was a godsend - if I had of had any inclination what we would face over the next few years I really would have been terrified !
I am lucky that I have a hugely supportive husband who has been with me every step of the way. I was living close to my parents so I could support them both in living with this shadow. My wonderful Dad found the whole thing a huge challenge he cared for my mum so well but I am not going to say he found it easy - he didn't and he often made mistakes as we all did but there no manual for this type of thing so all we could do is our best.
I want to use my blog to show how we made sense of the system and got mum the support and care she needed to live the life that offered her the safest and happiest day on day experiences. Our journey is ongoing and I am thankful for the time I have with my Mum. I miss the mum I had every day but this isn't something I can waste time dwelling on, my mum is still around and I have to cherish the time we still have.
Life has been a huge challenge since my mum was diagnosed and hopefully for anyone in the same situation or facing the same challenge my blog might offer some comfort in the fact that you aren't alone lots of people are facing the same challenges. I have fought very hard to get the point we are at now and you have to develop a very thick skin and an unwavering desire to fight for what your loved ones deserve.
I have challenged the establishment on multiple occasions to get my Mum the care and assistance she needs ,to make her voice heard,  this is something I never thought I could do but the strength comes from deep inside and your conscience has to be clear that you have done the best you can to make their life the best it can be.